(EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]


  • Paperback
  • 368
  • Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives
  • Walt Odets
  • en
  • 28 November 2020
  • 9780374719326

Walt Odets Û 9 Free read

Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Free download è E-book, or Kindle E-pub Walt Odets Û 9 Free read A moving exploration of how gay men construct their identities fight to be themselves and live authenticallyIt goes without saying that even today it’s not easy to be gay in America While young gay men often come out readily even those from the most progressive of backgrounds still struggle with the legacy of early life stigma and a deficit of self acceptance which can fuel doubt regret and at worst self loathing And this is to say nothing of the ongoing trauma wrought by AIDS which is all too often relegated to history Drawing on his work as a clinical psychologist during and in the aftermath of the epidemic Walt Odets reflects on what it means to survive and figure out a way to live in a ne. An essential exploration of the possibilities for gay self love in the wake of lifelong and ongoing personal and community trauma by a gay psychotherapist who has treated hundreds of gay men attempting to build authentic lives in the face of immense and ethically inexcusable suffering This brave beautiful book is a guidemap or as Odets calls it a songbook for interrogating the coping mechanisms that can imperil healing and a authentic life Empathetic and wise I cried so much Including on a plane For this gay man it was life changing

Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets

Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives

Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Free download è E-book, or Kindle E-pub Walt Odets Û 9 Free read W uncompromising future both for the men who endured the upheaval of those years and for the younger men who have come of age since then at a time when an HIV epidemic is still ravaging the gay community especially among the most marginalizedThrough moving stories of friends and patients and his own Odets considers how experiences early in life launch men on trajectories aimed at futures that are not authentically theirs He writes to help reconstruct how we think about gay life by considering everything from the misleading idea of “the homosexual” to the diversity and richness of gay relationships to the historical role of stigma and shame and the significance of youth and of aging Crawling. Note Odets s book is focused on gay males so I will use the word gay rather than the inclusive LGBTI cannot do this book justice with this review In fact I cannot do it justice with a single reading As I read I was aware that Odets was writing about something that would take a lifetime to undo and to reimagine my own life as well as the life of countless gay men born into a society that is still hostile to them True self acceptance is readily recognizable it is largely free of needless explanation apology and pandering and free of reactive unrealistic self confidence and compensatory false pride Self acceptance allows realistic self confidence which is significantly unhinged in adulthood from the expectations and approval of others In the end authentic self acceptance or the lack of it is almost the entirety of what defines a life Without true self acceptance there is no true self confidence or self realization Without self realization lives feel sueezed purposeless and truncated cut short long before physical death finally ends them entirely Claiming that the years 1969 the Stonewall uprising 1981 the first news of HIVAIDS and 1996 the year AIDS began to become manageable are milestones in gay life in America Out of the Shadows discusses what it means to be a gay man in the United States today the shame and stigma most gay persons feel and the role the HIV AIDS plague plays in the shaping of our understanding of what it is to be gay The book covers much territory including the impact of the on going HIV AIDS epidemic the developmental stages of life and obstructions to self discovery and realization but ultimately the book is focused on the role of shame in the life of gay men and the struggle to deal with that shame and create a full and honest life Odets freuently reminds the reader that this shame is not the fault of the gay man but is a reaction to living in a world that still does not celebrate the diversity of people but has very rigid gender and sexual norms Although society has created the conflict by imposing a simplistic inhuman model it is left to LGBT people to deal with the problem it is LGBT people who are left feeling deviant and misaligned We have the choice of either rejecting the social construction in a pursuit of wholeness and authenticity or bringing ourselves into alignment As I read the book I freuently found myself remembering and thinking deeply about my own experience I had long felt different from most of the boys around me while I was growing up As a child I did not have the words to identify the source of that feeling but I knew I was not like the other boys in some deep and fundamental way I began to sense I was flawed Today when I look at pictures of myself from late elementary school I see the face of a frightened boy already withdrawing from people around him In 10th grade after months of severe anxiety that made me sometimes think of suicide I whispered to myself the words I think I am homosexual But I also felt I was alone There was no one I knew like me There was no Internet or Google for research There were no positive overtly gay characters on television in the movies or in books All I could find were a few clinical sounding passages in books that claimed gay people were mentally ill All I heard from my fundamentalist church was that I was going to burn in hell for eternity All I knew from the news was that I was a criminal By the end of high school with great fear I admitted as though it was shameful and evil I was gay to a very few people Even though they were supportive I still believed what the medical profession the church and the government said about me I believed they knew me better than I knew myself As I began college my parents went through a nasty separation and my brother became drug addicted I tried to be the perfect kid as everything fell apart I also worked and went to college full time and tried to maintain the house and unsuccessfully hold the family together I buried myself even and tried not to add to all that was happening around me Further while in college preparing to become a teacher I knew I had to hide myself even which intensified the feelings of being flawed and unworthy Anita Bryant the Save the Children campaign and the California Briggs Initiative were all in the news These were all attempts to remove gay teachers from the classroom If I wanted to teach I could not live my life as a gay man as the man I was I buried myself in my schoolwork and full time job and strived for perfection in both I tried to prove I was worthy but also to make sure I had no time to explore my own life When I signed my contract to become a teacher that contract included a morality clause that made it very clear I would be fired if gay I pushed myself deeper into the closet and buried myself in my job working 12 hours daily If I could only think my career I did not have to think about myself as a gay man Then in 1981 the first news began to break about what was at first called GRID Gay Related Immune Deficiency Of course this was soon called AIDS The president of the US Ronald Reagan did not mention the plague until many years into it Most of the nation turned its back until it then became antagonistic and fearful William Buckley Jr even called for the tattooing of all AIDS victims Thousands upon thousands over 30000 by the end of the decade of gay men began to die I began to believe I might get the disease and die unless I continued to bury myself in my work and avoid contact with other gay men In 1982 I took a sabbatical and went to Japan to teach While there the shame the horror and self loathing led to a breakdown that brought me home and into therapy That same year I told my mom and stepdad and a few others that I was gay but still there were periods of time when I tried to deny it by dating women I also continued to hide to protect my job But as the years went on it became harder and harder to do this as I became consciously aware of how deeply I had swallowed the shame and how much I hated myself Finally I began to wonder if maybe the world was wrong about me and my guts were right Finally I had had enough I woke one morning and chose to live Though those earlier years caused great damage I decided to live fully and authentically As a friend said I threw the closet door open so hard it came off its hinges Though the struggle with shame continues I am out in all areas of my life and entering the 22nd year of living with the man I love I now face that struggle with the knowledge I will never hide or go backward but will continue to learn how to be authentic and claim my place in a world of beautiful diversity Further I will do my part to make life easier for those LGBT persons who follow and argue not only for assimilation but for the acceptance and celebration of the great diversity of human life As the author Odets writes it is time that we act out of who we are not who they are or whom they would want us to be to bestow their approval Our emergence from the shadows must be about something than survival Instead it must allow living better vital and authentic lives than American families and society had offered us With clear explanations of psychological concepts and stories of gay men the author has worked with over the decades the Odets makes clear that as far as we know being gay is simply one expression of natural human diversity for which explanations and justifications are owed to no one Further he celebrates the resilience of gay men living in a straight worldOdets begins by defining terms Most importantly he makes clear that being gay is about something far fundamental than sexual attraction or behavior Over the years many people have come to think that the only difference between a gay man and one who is straight lies in the gender of the sexual participants He goes on to say that even many if not most gay men have internalized straight society s belief that the gender of his sexual partner defines him as gay and is his only distinguishing difference Instead being gay is about falling in love consistently with persons of the same gender It is not only about sex A straight man can have sex with someone of the same gender and not be gay A gay man can have sex with a female and not be straightSex and sexual attraction are only one expression of being gay or straight A gay sensibility instead is about something deeper and fundamental It is about our internal being our real self and the expression of it It is about who we are rather than who society says we are Instead being gay is about cathexis which is defined as the natural human channeling and attachment of emotion to other people This gay sensibility describes both the man s internal experience of himself and his characteristic external expression of self to others It is this gay sensibility this experience of self others and the world that lies behind and gives expression to sexual behaviorPersons who are gay are not just like everyone else but are shaped by their integration of conventional male and female traits Odets continues by writing that the gay sensibility constructs gender humanly by integrating elements of conventionally feminine and masculine sensibilities into the life of a single person He goes on to write that In the societal model observed biological sex gender self identity internal sensibility and expressed sensibility must all be aligned As children and young adults we easily internalize this model and any discontinuity between the four components becomes a painful internal struggle that is worsened by societal stigma and rejection Odets also argues that until gay men come to understand that being gay is about than sexual behavior and until they stop euating their gay sensibility with the narrow definition of homosexuality they will continue to be adversely affected our society still defines homosexuality as something sick perverted flawed deviant criminal sinful and even evil And most gay men use those adjectives to define themselves and come to believe themselves unworthy of a life of fullness love health and joyToday even though a slim majority of Americans say they support eual rights for LGBT persons watch the reaction of many Americans when a gay couple walks down the street holding hands or kiss at the airport Ask gay men how comfortable they feel expressing their love in public Odets argues that while many people gay and straight support formal rights that support lags far behind when it comes to the affectionate expression of loving relationships We can also see this support lagging when a gay man expresses his feminine internal selfDespite the polls gay men must daily struggle for self acceptance in a society that is still hostile to those who are gay Self acceptance is largely free of needless explanation apology and pandering and free of reactive unrealistic self confidence and compensatory false pride Self acceptance allows realistic self confidence which is significantly unhinged in adulthood from the expectations and approval of others In the end authentic self acceptance or the lack of it is almost the entirety of what defines a life Without true self acceptance there is no true self confidence or self realization Without self realization lives feel sueezed purposeless and truncated cut short long before physical death finally ends them entirely Reminded that a large percentage of gay men of his my generation were dead before the age of thirty and that the survivors were ruined by all the death around them Odets argues that it is time that we act out of who we are not who they are or whom they would want us to be to bestow their approval We must do than survive we must allow living better vital and authentic lives than American families and society had offered us We must not fall prey to the message that being gay is OK if all that is wanted are eual rights We must not accept the message that that the love between two gay me is just sex Instead we must continue to struggle to live fully and openly with all the privileges of those who are straight We must allow ourselves to love fully emotionally and completely rather than cave to the pressure to see our loving relationships as less than We must embrace our inner sensibility that causes us to fall in love with persons of the same genderWe must come to believe that being gay is simply one expression of natural human diversity for which explanations and justifications are owed to no one We must not doubt our inner sensibility but seek a path of self discovery and acceptance so we can integrate our inner and outer life and outwardly express the internal impulse of our authentic self For when we free ourselves of the stigma imposed by society and internalized by ourselves we can be fully ourselves and grow into our potentialWe must overcome the stigma thrust upon us and be confident in our capacity to be loved and be in love As Odets writes the authentically lived gay man has a lively internal life that he comfortably expresses a uality of emotional receptivity and a sense of human vulnerability that are all elements of a gay sensibility Until then we will live truncated lives Authentic lives are significantly nonreactive they are primarily rooted in an internal center rather than in others norms and expectations Out of the Shadows covers many topics around the theme of reimaging gay lives and coming out of shame So while it may be a challenge to boil this important book down to a few points it is one that deserves multiple readings and much reflection A highly recommended book

Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives

Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Free download è E-book, or Kindle E-pub Walt Odets Û 9 Free read Out from under the trauma of destructive early life experience and the two epidemics and into a century of shifting social values provides an opportunity to explore possibilities rather than live with limitations imposed by others Though it is drawn from decades of private practice activism and life in the gay community Odets’s work achieves remarkable universality At its core Out of the Shadows is driven by his belief that it is time that we act based on who we are and not who others are or who they would want us to be We particularly the young must construct our own paths through life Out of the Shadows is a necessary impassioned argument for how and why we must all take hold of our future. Walt Odets has done a phenomenal job of describing the life of a gay man in America This should be reuired reading for all gay bi ueer gender fluid trans etc individuals as well as any allies friends or curious souls Odets is a clinical psychologist and thus presents various aspects of the gay existence via psychological case studies Each account is compelling and for me hauntingly familiar as I suspect it would be for most ueer men in America Within these vignettes Odets details the psychological underpinnings of the concept at hand eg stigma and how we internalize and project these feelings The result is a beautiful book full of humor honesty humanity and hope I encourage everyone to read this


10 thoughts on “(EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

  1. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Walt Odets Û 9 Free read Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets

    Walt Odets Û 9 Free read (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Pearl Ruled p59The first chapter Are Gay Men Homosexuals wants to delve deep into an old old argument about ident

  2. says: Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Walt Odets Û 9 Free read Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives An essential exploration of the possibilities for gay self love in the wake of lifelong and ongoing personal and community trauma by a gay psychotherapist who has treated hundreds of gay men attempting to build authentic lives in the face of immense—and ethically inexcusable—suffering This brave beautiful book is a guidemap or as Odets calls it a songbook for interrogating the coping mechanisms that can i

  3. says: Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Walt Odets Û 9 Free read (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets Walt Odets Û 9 Free read (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] If you are a gay man or know someone who is a gay man listen up Walt Odets has been a San Francisco psychotherapist for over 40 years His book Out of the Shadows Reimagining Gay Men's Lives is a call to embrace the life we were meant to live no matter what age we are when we read this book Odets weaves the understanding of societal influence biological family community and the two parts of the AIDS epidemic in the western world and how the

  4. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Walt Odets Û 9 Free read Note Odets’s book is focused on gay males so I will use the word gay rather than the inclusive LGBTI cannot do this book justice with this review In fact I cannot do it justice with a single reading As I read I was aware that Odets was writing about something that would take a lifetime to undo and to reimagine—my own life as well as the life of countless gay men born into a society that is still hostile to them “True self a

  5. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] I was terribly moved by this book and while I commend Odets for his urgent and respectful voice guiding readers through this tough look on shame isolation trauma and recovery it's the stories—one after the other—of the ueer men he interviewed and counseled that make this a must read No surprise then that the final chapter is Odet's personal story and his own relationships It's a beautiful arcOdets gives the

  6. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives Walt Odets Û 9 Free read (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Every page of this book to me go to therapy please 😌🤗

  7. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets Walt Odets Û 9 Free read

    Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets Walt Odets Û 9 Free read (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Full disclosure I received this book for free from Goodreads So I'm not sure what I expected this to be but I sure didn't

  8. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives As a straight white Cis middle aged male I find myself in a very fortunate totally unearned position in society replete with white and other privilege that I work to understand and try to change every day In attempting to become educated on the issues I have read a lot about the racial divide in the US However I am very under informed about LGBT issues and I want to be a better ally Hence I picked up this book and it w

  9. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives]

    Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Walt Odets Û 9 Free read Walt Odets has done a phenomenal job of describing the life of a gay man in America This should be reuired reading for all gay bi ueer gender fluid trans etc individuals as well as any allies friends or curious souls Odets is a clinical psychologist and thus presents various aspects of the gay existence via psychological case studies Each account is compelling and for me hauntingly familiar as I suspect it would be for

  10. says: (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Read & download ✓ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Û Walt Odets Summary Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives

    (EBOOK/EPUB) [Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives] Not an easy read but feels like a “must read” It is an important book even though the explicit audience is the US market Grateful for the insight into the effects of being born before Stonewall and the impact of the stages of the AIDS epidemic on those who lived with years of death and uncertainty and those who lived through the echoes and the still reverberating trauma I am grateful as well for reviewers here who mentioned how much the

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